This past week I have been asked twice what I have learned in my years of being a mom. Since being asked, I have reflected on that question and wanted to share some of my thoughts.
The first thing is that I HAVE LEARNED WAY MORE FROM MY KIDS THAN THEY HAVE LEARNED FROM ME.
I have been at this mom thing for over 23 years! I can't believe it!! I have spent these years learning, listening, reading, praying and doing everything I could think of the be the best mom I could to these kids that I love so fiercely. I have been burned, devastated, literally broken, lied too, hurt, angry, overwhelmed, taken advantage of, disappointed, exhausted and more. BUT, I have also been needed, loved, appreciated, led by the Spirit, beaming with pride, grateful, surprised, amazed, joyful and felt such intense gratitude to be the mom of this family. Motherhood has brought so many intense emotions. Learning to deal with these emotions and to channel them into growth has been such a blessing. I feel that I have softened as a person, unfortunately physically as well as emotionally...;0. The things we experience in life change us. I firmly believe that we choose what those changes are. If we turn to the Lord in our trials, we will learn and grow and recognize our dependence on our Savior, and His atonement. This will soften us. Or we can get bitter and angry and push God away. I have done both. Getting angry is usually my first reaction when something bad happens. I tend to blame God. But as I have humbled myself, and let Him work in my life, I have felt the softening that comes. I know that being a parent is an inspired part of Gods plan for all of us. We learn things we would never learn otherwise. I would be selfish, close minded and judgmental (more than I already am!) Being a mom has helped me further on my path back to my Heavenly Father.
Another thing I have learned is to SHUT MY MOUTH. I tend to be pretty opinionated about a lot of things. When my kids come to me with a problem, I want to fix it. When they ask my opinion, I give it, and I even give it when I'm not asked! I am learning that I want my children to fix their problems with the help of their Savior. For them to lean on Him. I love when they talk things over with me, but ultimately, they need to have a relationship with the Savior, who will always be there and is the anchor and only true source of peace. I want to say, 'have you prayed about it?' 'how do you feel?' 'what do you think?' Rather than jumping in with my own solution, I want to lead them to the Savior.
When our kids are born, they have so much to learn from us. We are constantly teaching them everything! When they are young they need to learn respect for adults, obedience, discipline. I feel like if you are more strict, and follow through with these things when they are young, you can slowly let go and let them govern themselves more and more as they grow up. But as they get older, I want to talk less, and lead by example more. They are always watching us. I wish I was a better example. But the older they get, the less they want to hear from me. I do know that as a mother, there are times when we are prompted by the Holy Ghost to share something with our kids, and that is when I need to speak up. Sometimes it's not something I want to say to them, but if it comes from the Spirit, I want to have the courage to say it. Even if it's hard.
If I could go back, I would be less critical about little things, the things that have no eternal consequence. I have learned to pick my battles, and to choose the ones that really matter in this life and the next!
Another thing my sweet friend reminded me of this week when we were talking, is that I told her to START SLOW WITH EVERYTHING. Keep curfews early when they are young so they have later times to look forward to as they gain trust and get older. Start with small allowances, so they don't expect a lot and understand the value of money. Hold off on technology as long as possible, and as trust is gained slowly, very slowly add things. Keep treats and junk food hidden away while they are young and monitor them. Help them learn to take good care of their bodies, so that as they get older they can learn to manage themselves. And I do still have a strong opinion about not letting little kids walk around eating. I think they should sit at the table, or bar to eat. Otherwise it destroys your house, and they are not learning good eating habits. Sorry for that little rant ;)
Of my 6 children, each of them are so different physically and emotionally. I love each of them so intensely. I appreciate their differences and learn from each of them. I want them to always know that I love them always, forever and no matter what. I don't think I was always good at letting them know that, but I am learning. There is nothing any of them could do that would change my love for them. Nor is there anything they have to do to earn my love. Just like the Savior's love, my love for them is not earned, it is simply there, and always will be.
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